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I have thought long and hard about a suitable subject to write about and decided…in the end to show a little skin. Something that I have struggled with over recent years is my Mental Health, more notably in the form of depression. So why not write about my experience and how it relates to my paddling and vice versa. Hopefully it will be received well and might help those paddlers in a similar place to where I was, only a year or so ago.<\/p>\n
The Ireland Trip in 2015 was the turning point\u2026but it was only after months of living back in the real world that I saw the real value of our big circle. The circumnavigation began with an inherently narcissistic motive, thinking about how people would see me after we had completed it. But long days on the water, chasing headlands in marginal conditions forced me to think. The importance of how I was perceived in the eyes of others dwindled and the importance of my own self-worth began to shine through.<\/p>\n When it comes to the subject of depression and mental health we as a society are very closed off. There is a stigma that surrounds it and people tend to put you into a proverbial box (Or at least it felt that way). The systems of support are inherently flawed\u2026so much so that to actually get some real help, you either have to pay through the nose, be on the absolute edge or have already passed the point of no return.<\/p>\n This lesson was driven home hard during my last year of University now 3 years ago.\u2026 The pressure had built up due to workload and I didn\u2019t understand the way I was feeling until I was close to my limit. I went in search of help, in the form of my GP\u2026.. I left that appointment feeling even more confused but I had medication so everything was ok (sarcasm). I Struggled on\u2026just about graduated and went into working life still unable to process my feelings. I would go through bad patches and people kept on asking me the same question. What\u2019s your trigger?<\/strong><\/p>\n A trigger is loosely described as something that sets the negative cogs turning within the brain. Someone once explained triggers to me by getting me to imagine the mind as a train station. Visualise now, the busiest train station that you have ever been in\u2026. No people\u2026just Trains. Each train that comes in is a thought\u2026It stops at the platform and in a matter of seconds is gone again.<\/p>\n These trains come carrying all sorts of cargo and head down some very dark tracks. My negative train seemed to arrive when I felt directly responsible for messing something up\u2026. Somehow ending up on this \u201cSelf-Critical\u201d track heading to the next station that was full of similar thoughts. Once this process begins it is very hard to stop and I would find myself hours later in a really low mood and in a very different station to where I began. I could feel myself getting on the train but I simply didn\u2019t know how to get off.<\/p>\n That is where paddling comes in.<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cRelentless, repetitive self-talk is what changes our self-image<\/em>.\u201d \u2013 Denis Waitley<\/p>\n Expedition paddling, especially the kind encountered on a trip like Ireland, where time and daylight are short, definitely couldn’t be deemed as fun. It\u2019s an uncomfortable, repetitive and inherently arduous experience. Pressure sores, blisters, chafage, sun burn and crusty eyebrows are not what any normal person would think of fondly. This can only really be categorized as type two fun…the kind that is enjoyed later…in a masochistic sort of way. At the time however the individual has to numb themselves to the pain and boredom of watching a headland that just doesn’t seem to be getting closer. Everyone will react differently…but generally the bigger questions in life rear up and come to the forefront of the mind. Inevitably leading to reflection on one\u2019s own life. This was an important thing for me to grasp and the idea of challenging my own thoughts became more appealing than daunting.<\/p>\n I realised…after succumbing to the boredom and accepting my thoughts for what they were, that my triggers where simply due to over personalisation. I would get really involved in things because I care and when they don\u2019t work for whatever reason I see only myself to blame. This was the train\u2026Now how do I get off it earlier or, even better prevent myself from getting on in the first place. The Answer, for me at least, is time spent thinking. Now don\u2019t get me wrong, sitting in a room staring at a wall isn\u2019t what I\u2019m getting at. I mean Proactive and Constructive time with my own thoughts, where I can face my demons. This happened every day of the trip in some way, shape or form. Experiencing my whole bandwidth of emotions in a matter of hours.<\/p>\n Post trip I found that actively trying to recreate a long day on the water is difficult, given jobs, and life in general seems to get in the way. This being said I found it was possible to get little fixes. Like competitive runners and cyclists and with advice from John… I decided to see my kayaking as a form of training as well as recreation. As I work beside a lake, I partially get my fix by having dedicated training sessions\u2026roughly 4 evenings per week against the clock. Structuring the sessions by using set goals, timings and heart rate mean that what may seem to some, as a mundane lap-fest actually has a purpose. Giving a session purpose and structure gives me a chance to replicate the conditions that encourage thought. I found, that this combined with my normal recreational paddling helps to both keep me motivated and active.<\/p>\n Getting out on the water, sea or lake, no matter what the weather, stops me getting on that train. By recording my own times I can compete directly against myself and no-one else, not an ego booster, simply a constructive way of tracking progress, both physically and mentally. These sessions provide that valuable time where I can process any thoughts that have niggled at me during the day.<\/p>\n Proactive, constructive time to think.<\/strong><\/p>\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.performanceseakayak.co.uk\/Archive_JW\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/05\/IMG_6594.jpg\")
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